So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
