I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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