I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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