Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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