I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
