you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
