thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
