Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
