Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
