once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize