i jhust puked up my retainher.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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