I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
