Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
