did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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