Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
