There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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