I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize