The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
