the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
