I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
