cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
