I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
