Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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