my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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