i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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