How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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