Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
