I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Mom said you looked used
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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