i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
