Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
