it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
