Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
