i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize