All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
