I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
