I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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