so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
