Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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