i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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