Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
