Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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