Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
