enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
