Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
