It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
