Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
