You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
