Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He shit in the fireplace
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
