Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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