just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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