grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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