I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
