please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
