My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
