hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize