I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
