I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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