I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
