but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
