when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
