weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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