Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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