Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
