What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
only if we run a train.
done.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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