then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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