Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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