Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
