Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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