The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
