I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
