Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
