he wants to bone in the snuggie
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
