im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
