if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
