You're completely useless in the revolution.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
