dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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