Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i think im in europe. pls send help
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
