clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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