i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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